[ both because they're always being listened to and -- because it just genuinely is hard to explain. his theories just keep getting more and more complicated and he's getting the feeling he's just digging a deeper and deeper hole for himself but he has no idea how to find his way out. ]
Well, try. Often having to explain it can help you sort it out too.
Speaking aloud forces you to put the thoughts in order.
[ It was true they were constantly watched, but Kirk had just come
accept and ignore it for the most part. He couldn't stop it as far as he
knew, and he wasn't going to live his life constantly modified and censored
because of it. ]
[ for the most part, winn's learned to live with it too. but it's a little different when the subject matter is how to stop the people who are watching. ]
We exist somewhere that's outside of the space-time continuum, right? But it's linked to god knows how many different dimensions, different times. Despite that, there isn't that much culture shock and dissonance between us - and between us and the planets we're visiting. I actually think there are places on my Earth that'd weird me out more than this moon. That's not a coincidence - it's being selective - of things that are similar to this end of the galaxy? Maybe, I don't know. The point is, there's a very steady connection between where we are and where we came from, and I'm trying to figure out what that is, what's our link.
[ if it can be harnessed by the atroma, it can be harnessed by them. if it's been invented once, it can be invented twice. following? ]
The idea that Atroma is being selective, though, I would agree with. What the certain criteria it is using though, I have no idea given we know... well, nothing about Atroma, not even what kind of being it is.
Existing outside of the space-time continuum, however, could be an option, but I don't think so. I believe we are within one dimension, and Atroma is somehow drawing us in from others. How it is doing this, I don't know - obviously since we're all still here and all equally clueless it seems.
What I can say though is that doing so requires a tremendous amount of energy. Opening the necessary worm holes, essentially ripping through space, is not easily accomplished, and at least as far as I know takes energy equivalents far greater than anything I think we can produce here on the ships.
As far as I've gathered, people who go home pick things up exactly where they left off - if we were all from the same dimension I'd say that time just flows differently here, but considering how many universes people are brought in from -- the only explanations I've come up with is existing outside of time, or people being sent back with their memories wiped before enough time has passed for there to be desernable physical changes. Honestly considering the Atroma's capabilities so far I wouldn't dismiss either.
[ he rubs his chin in concentration. ]
Do you know how it is accomplished? Theoretically? I know speed is one option, but it's a tricky one in closed quarters.
That's what I've heard too, but all things considered Atroma might have the power and control to toss and pick up people with pinpoint accuracy. I'm not saying that we couldn't be outside the continuum, but it is not the only theory. Until we have some concrete data, I don't want to rule out any possibility.
In my world it was done with the release of energy from a material called Red Matter. But, it's not accurate from the one particular instance I know of, and if the ability to break time-space was only possible thanks to some other conditions at the time. Without an absolute way to direct that amount of energy, I would be very against deploying it in the first place besides.
[ it's not that he's not listening to the warnings, it's that at this moment - they're irrelevant. he's still in the theoretical stage, right now - he's just trying to learn as much as he can.
A new particle material that was discovered in my future. Some of it came through when an accident in the future sent two ships falling back through time, but Spock and I detonated what was left of it. As far as I know, no more exists, and it's to unstable for any sort of reliable use.
I don't know how it was created or where it came from in the future.
[ In other words, he knows why you want the information, and he's killing that idea now. It is far to risky. ]
So...are you saying that black holes are inter-dimensional portals or - is it just red-mattered generated black holes?
[ he gets the picture - red matter = bad. but there's obviously a safe way to achieve the same result - they just have to understand what it does exactly. ]
I don't really know. It's a possibility. It always has been. We've just
never known anyone or anything to survive them before, is all. But the red
matter is an artificial one, so there could be different properties that
are just a tiny bit less lethal.
[ A slight shrug. He wishes he could tell you more, but he can't. He
simply doesn't know. ]
A man named Alphones Elric had another method of going between worlds, or
at least trying to. I would speak with him.
I'm pretty sure you're not my mom - [ because you know, if you were you would have abandoned him as a kid and not give a shit about his sleeping habits or any of his habits, really. or, you don't know which is why he gets to use that card. ]
[ Those blue eyes watch him, concern swirling in them. He knows all
about sleepless nights. He suffers them himself. It took a long while
before he could sleep through a full night without medical aid, and he had
been the one to insist no medicine. ]
There isn't any way you can make this dimensional Rifter idea
work overnight. Getting some restful sleep and having your brain working at
one hundred percent will be better for the project rather than you being
exhausted, don't you think?
[ getting full on defensive now. it's not like he's lying in bed pinching himself to stay awake because he thinks it's funny. he's having a hard enough time as it is - kara's depowered and miserable. kitty's dead in her home world and suffers from so much ptsd he's not sure he should even be allowed anywhere near her. he's trying to save a kid with a terminal magical illness. he's stuck in outer space, which isn't easy on him under the best of circumstances, which these are so far away from it's hilarious. he's terrified that he might be losing his mind, and terrified that any day - his father's face could appear on the network or worse - on their ship. and he can't talk about it to anyone because everyone is hurting, everyone is hurting so much more than he is, and that has a lot to do with much of his misery - because he can't help anyone. he's less than useless. he can't hack the code that keeps them away from the marsiva, he can't get them home. the one time kara is counting on him - and he's failing her miserably. ]
I want you to take care of yourself too, Winn. I want you to be okay as
much as I want Kara or Fenris or Beverly to be okay. I know nothing about
this situation will ever be entirely "okay", but that doesn't mean I want
to see anyone, least of all one of my friends, run themselves into the
ground.
[ He sighed and leaned back, suddenly looking slightly tired himself.
]
If talking helps, I'll listen Winn. Whatever burdens you have, you don't
need to carry them alone here.
[ jim reminds him so much of kara right now, that for a second he's not sure if he isn't just -- talking to kara and hallucinating jim. this is my burden, he told her once. which means it's mine too, she replied without a second's hesitation. finding a friend like that once - his life taught him was incredibly unlikely. and yet here he is, sitting in front of another. and just like that time with kara, he's not sure what to do with it, how to respond to it. his base instinct wants to reject it, scared of what'll happen if he allowed himself to be a burden for even a second. kara's known him for two years which he spent trying to do everything he could for her, and still he worried he wouldn't be worth sticking it out for if he opened up. jim's known him a couple of months, and he suspects he's mostly just given him headaches with his projects. if he troubled him directly like that, why shouldn't jim leave him, like so many people in his life have?
he grumbles in frustration, because how can he say any of it? charles told him to find someone to talk to and he promised he'd try. jim's giving him a chance right here - and he can't seem to take it. ]
So is that what all the running is about, trying to knock me out? [ he knows kitty wants him to open up, his friends do too. but a lifetime of learning to repress because no one cares about the murderer's son's feelings are hard to shake off.
he thought he's come so far, but at the end of the day...he's still a coward. ]
[ He's patient as Winn turns things over in his head, and he sees the
moment that Winn runs. He can see it because he's done it so many times
himself. It was his favorite tactic. He supposed it made him a hypocrit,
refusing to let Winn run. Back home, he had the power of rank to force
people down. But regardless of what it made him, he wouldn't let Winn
destroy himself. ]
It would be a nice side effect. I know it helps me sleep better at night,
personally.
But you know that's not what I mean when I say you can talk to me, Winn. I
know all the deflection tactics.
[ He gives a brittle smile. ]
I've used them so many times myself I can spot them a mile away by now.
[ he doesn't really have a leg to stand on, especially not now that he's been so gloriously caught and outed, but he can't help but stubbornly resist, even though he knows talking - at least about the parts he can - would probably be a huge relief. ]
[ he groans in frustration again before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. ]
Do you have to go and be so reasonable about it?
[ addressing all his concerns. it makes it very hard not to feel like he's being really childish here, and ok he is, but he gets to be! he's had to be way more mature than he was ever meant to be on this fleet, and it's exhausting. he wants to do better, be a better man...but actually going through with it is pulling teeth. off a very angry t-rex.
his shoulders slump in defeat, but he still doesn't know where to start, what to do. ]
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action;
[ he shrugs, he has to gather more information before he can figure out proper experiments. ]
Re: action;
You know it's hard to offer advice when I don't even know what it is you're working on.
[ He's from the future Winn, but he can't read minds. ]
action;
[ both because they're always being listened to and -- because it just genuinely is hard to explain. his theories just keep getting more and more complicated and he's getting the feeling he's just digging a deeper and deeper hole for himself but he has no idea how to find his way out. ]
Re: action;
Well, try. Often having to explain it can help you sort it out too. Speaking aloud forces you to put the thoughts in order.
[ It was true they were constantly watched, but Kirk had just come accept and ignore it for the most part. He couldn't stop it as far as he knew, and he wasn't going to live his life constantly modified and censored because of it. ]
action;
We exist somewhere that's outside of the space-time continuum, right? But it's linked to god knows how many different dimensions, different times. Despite that, there isn't that much culture shock and dissonance between us - and between us and the planets we're visiting. I actually think there are places on my Earth that'd weird me out more than this moon. That's not a coincidence - it's being selective - of things that are similar to this end of the galaxy? Maybe, I don't know. The point is, there's a very steady connection between where we are and where we came from, and I'm trying to figure out what that is, what's our link.
[ if it can be harnessed by the atroma, it can be harnessed by them. if it's been invented once, it can be invented twice. following? ]
Re: action;
The idea that Atroma is being selective, though, I would agree with. What the certain criteria it is using though, I have no idea given we know... well, nothing about Atroma, not even what kind of being it is.
Existing outside of the space-time continuum, however, could be an option, but I don't think so. I believe we are within one dimension, and Atroma is somehow drawing us in from others. How it is doing this, I don't know - obviously since we're all still here and all equally clueless it seems.
What I can say though is that doing so requires a tremendous amount of energy. Opening the necessary worm holes, essentially ripping through space, is not easily accomplished, and at least as far as I know takes energy equivalents far greater than anything I think we can produce here on the ships.
action;
[ he rubs his chin in concentration. ]
Do you know how it is accomplished? Theoretically? I know speed is one option, but it's a tricky one in closed quarters.
action;
In my world it was done with the release of energy from a material called Red Matter. But, it's not accurate from the one particular instance I know of, and if the ability to break time-space was only possible thanks to some other conditions at the time. Without an absolute way to direct that amount of energy, I would be very against deploying it in the first place besides.
action;
[ it's not that he's not listening to the warnings, it's that at this moment - they're irrelevant. he's still in the theoretical stage, right now - he's just trying to learn as much as he can.
and this red matter - well it sounds promising! ]
action;
I don't know how it was created or where it came from in the future.
[ In other words, he knows why you want the information, and he's killing that idea now. It is far to risky. ]
action;
[ it could at least tell him where to focus - what sort of reaction to look for, to strive towards. he's making his way in pitch darkness here. ]
Re: action;
We did get a lot of time with it, honestly. But the effect was the same as an imploding star - in other words, it created black holes.
[ He held up his fingers, ever so slightly apart. ]
That tiny amount was enough to implode an entire planet when the matter reacted with the core.
action;
[ he gets the picture - red matter = bad. but there's obviously a safe way to achieve the same result - they just have to understand what it does exactly. ]
Re: action;
I don't really know. It's a possibility. It always has been. We've just never known anyone or anything to survive them before, is all. But the red matter is an artificial one, so there could be different properties that are just a tiny bit less lethal.
[ A slight shrug. He wishes he could tell you more, but he can't. He simply doesn't know. ]
A man named Alphones Elric had another method of going between worlds, or at least trying to. I would speak with him.
After you've slept a good either hours, though.
action;
I'm pretty sure you're not my mom - [ because you know, if you were you would have abandoned him as a kid and not give a shit about his sleeping habits or any of his habits, really. or, you don't know which is why he gets to use that card. ]
Re: action;
Maybe not, but I am your friend, Winn. And I'm worried. I just think you could use a bit of sleep - and your experiments will benefit from it too.
[ Moms who abandon you? Wow, Winn, we have more in common than even he knew. Or doesn't know. But you get it. ]
action;
but he sighs, running a hand through his hair. he knows jim has a point, but he's not avoiding sleep just because he's eager to get this done. ]
I get as much sleep as I can.
[ but his brain won't shut up, now in three exciting flavors: ideas he has to work on before he forgets, raging paranoia, and nightmares! yum. ]
I'm fine.
Re: action;
No, Winn, you're not.
[ Those blue eyes watch him, concern swirling in them. He knows all about sleepless nights. He suffers them himself. It took a long while before he could sleep through a full night without medical aid, and he had been the one to insist no medicine. ]
There isn't any way you can make this dimensional Rifter idea work overnight. Getting some restful sleep and having your brain working at one hundred percent will be better for the project rather than you being exhausted, don't you think?
action;
[ getting full on defensive now. it's not like he's lying in bed pinching himself to stay awake because he thinks it's funny. he's having a hard enough time as it is - kara's depowered and miserable. kitty's dead in her home world and suffers from so much ptsd he's not sure he should even be allowed anywhere near her. he's trying to save a kid with a terminal magical illness. he's stuck in outer space, which isn't easy on him under the best of circumstances, which these are so far away from it's hilarious. he's terrified that he might be losing his mind, and terrified that any day - his father's face could appear on the network or worse - on their ship. and he can't talk about it to anyone because everyone is hurting, everyone is hurting so much more than he is, and that has a lot to do with much of his misery - because he can't help anyone. he's less than useless. he can't hack the code that keeps them away from the marsiva, he can't get them home. the one time kara is counting on him - and he's failing her miserably. ]
Re: action;
I want you to take care of yourself too, Winn. I want you to be okay as much as I want Kara or Fenris or Beverly to be okay. I know nothing about this situation will ever be entirely "okay", but that doesn't mean I want to see anyone, least of all one of my friends, run themselves into the ground.
[ He sighed and leaned back, suddenly looking slightly tired himself. ]
If talking helps, I'll listen Winn. Whatever burdens you have, you don't need to carry them alone here.
action;
he grumbles in frustration, because how can he say any of it? charles told him to find someone to talk to and he promised he'd try. jim's giving him a chance right here - and he can't seem to take it. ]
So is that what all the running is about, trying to knock me out? [ he knows kitty wants him to open up, his friends do too. but a lifetime of learning to repress because no one cares about the murderer's son's feelings are hard to shake off.
he thought he's come so far, but at the end of the day...he's still a coward. ]
Re: action;
[ He's patient as Winn turns things over in his head, and he sees the moment that Winn runs. He can see it because he's done it so many times himself. It was his favorite tactic. He supposed it made him a hypocrit, refusing to let Winn run. Back home, he had the power of rank to force people down. But regardless of what it made him, he wouldn't let Winn destroy himself. ]
It would be a nice side effect. I know it helps me sleep better at night, personally.
But you know that's not what I mean when I say you can talk to me, Winn. I know all the deflection tactics.
[ He gives a brittle smile. ]
I've used them so many times myself I can spot them a mile away by now.
action;
[ he doesn't really have a leg to stand on, especially not now that he's been so gloriously caught and outed, but he can't help but stubbornly resist, even though he knows talking - at least about the parts he can - would probably be a huge relief. ]
Re: action;
Winn... Whatever they are, I promise I won't judge you. I won't leave or kick you off the ship. Hell, I won't even talk if you don't want me too.
[ So trust him, Winn. Let him help you. ]
action;
Do you have to go and be so reasonable about it?
[ addressing all his concerns. it makes it very hard not to feel like he's being really childish here, and ok he is, but he gets to be! he's had to be way more mature than he was ever meant to be on this fleet, and it's exhausting. he wants to do better, be a better man...but actually going through with it is pulling teeth. off a very angry t-rex.
his shoulders slump in defeat, but he still doesn't know where to start, what to do. ]
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