There are some - like Dimentia and Alzheimer's. But what you're talking
about? No. There's been no link ever found.
[ There had been some research done into circumstance and upbringing.
But it always proven inconclusive at best. It was simply one of those
things that happened, the mind still to complex to full understand. ]
And besides...
[ He moved his hand up to grip Winn's shoulder. ]
You have good people around you. Kara. Kitty. Me. A host of others. If you
ever feel like you are slipping - we'll pull you back. We won't let you
become that. My friends stopped me before I could cross that line. I could
do no less for you, and I'm sure Kara, Kitty, and the others would agree.
[ hope you don't mind his head slumping against your chest, because he could really use a hug right now.
congratulations, kirk, you broke through. ]
I met a telepath and he told me...I need to get help.
[ for your trauma and how much it's hurting you in your daily life winn, not because you're insane. see, if you got help for that you wouldn't be so quick to misinterpret things! ] What if I already am without knowing?
[ can that happen? can he go crazy and not know it? it must happen - crazy people aren't crazy to themselves - but how does he defend himself against an invisible enemy that leaves no tracks? how can his friends tell the difference, when his behavior isn't exactly normative under the best of circumstances? he works too hard. is that his personality, or the madness? he comes up with wild theories. is that his brilliant mind, or the madness? ]
[ Not at all, Winn. His arms raised up, wrapping around Winn's shoulders, one hand resting against the back of his head, as if to shield him. He did not force Winn to move, letting the other take his time to get his emotions sorted. He must have been keeping this bottled up inside him for a long time, and Kirk understood the deluge. He wasn't sure how he would react, if it all just came out. So many buried feelings, so many guilts and fears... ]
Maybe what he meant was this. You know, talking to someone. This has been eating at you for awhile, hasn't it?
[ He sighed and tipped his head in, pressing his forehead to Winn's hair. ]
You aren't insane, Winn. You're dedicated. Dedicated to your work and to the people you care about. There's nothing insane about that - even though I still wish you'd go get a solid eight hours.
[ He said the last with a soft huff of laughter. ]
[ no one's taken this sort of care of him since before...before his dad lost his mind, before he's had this fear, before his little perfect life was shattered. he's always been jealous of people who had siblings; especially of kara and alex. and now, for the first time in his life, he feels like he might be one of the lucky ones too. the way kirk worries about him, holds him protectively...it feels like what he imagined a big brother would, and it's almost too emotional to deal with.
and maybe he's right. this has been eating away at him for most of his life. from the time it became clear his father was the one behind the bomb, until the time he left for college and finally broke free of the people who knew who he was - he was reminded of it almost daily. the son of a murderer is one of the worst kinds of marks of shame you can carry around orphans. he thought he'd put it all behind him, until the man broke out of jail and just like that - he was 11 years old again.
maybe what's making him crazy isn't his father's deeds, it's the fact that he's never been able to talk about them. ]
A while, yeah. Since I was 11.
[ he huffs a choked up laugh in reply to kirk's. ]
You don't quit, do you?
[ said fondly. please never quit on him, he hasn't felt this safe and taken care of in so long. ]
[ If he was honest with himself, this was partly about him too. He
cared about Winn and wanted to help him from running into a downward
spiral. But it also about proving to himself, just a little, that he was
not useless here. That he had a purpose and a place. He was a captain back
home. He was supposed to care for his crew, his family, and the isolation
from them here was painful. Being able to do this for Winn meant something
for him too, though mostly he was glad that he had, hopefully, pulled Winn
out of what he thought could turn into a nosedive. ]
Yeah, that sounds like a long time. It's hard, when people expect you to be
something you're not - good or bad.
[ He chuckles softly again. ]
I am incredibly stubborn once I set my mind on something. How else did I
become captain in three years?
[ There were extenuating circumstances but not important right now.
And he knew he could take that part of himself to far. He had been pushing
the other earlier, trying to help when he could have damaged their
friendship. He knew his pride to often went untempered, especially in the
face of seeing someone he cared about hurting. ]
[ in winn's book, that's the best form of selfishness. it's not any different from how he slaves over trying to help every single person he meets - some with projects as simple as embroidering empowering slogans, and others with projects beyond his understanding, like magical cures and a way home - so he could feel of use. but if the end result is people got the help they needed, does it really matter that the motivation wasn't 100% pure and selfless? shouldn't they be allowed to help themselves, too?
he finally takes a step back, but if kirk wants to keep his hands on him he won't shake them off. ]
You made Captain in three years? Damn, I'm impressed.
[ he smiles, because that part is easier to form a coherent reply to than the first. it is hard, and it's painful, and it makes him uncertain of who he is, what he is, if he's that because that's his nature, or because he's trying to live up to other people's expectations of him. ]
Well, there were some... extenuating circumstances.
[ Partly through his own ability, but also from taking advantage of a situation. He had proven himself, but how he initially got himself in the chair - it was not one of his prouder moments, though he felt it was necessary. He was sure his intervention had kept them from destroying themselves, but it couldn't make up for the cruel way he had twisted Spock's loss and used it against him either.
He rubs Winn's arm, a comforting up and down slide against his bicep. ]
But we're not talking about me. We're talking about you, and how you are not your father, and never will be.
[ oh kirk, he might swoon. kirk's certainty touches that insecure part of his soul that has taken mostly hits for most of his life. as a kid, everyone expected him to turn into that same monster. as an adult, he had to be forced into sharing, because he couldn't trust that the reaction wouldn't be exactly the same, not completely.
but kara didn't blame him, james didn't blame him, alex didn't blame him, kitty didn't blame him, cisco didn't blame him, and neither does jim. it's a kindness he won't soon - or ever - forget. ]
It won't be for lack of effort on his part, though. [ winn rubs his face; he's not sure he wants to tell this part, he's only told kitty so far and even then, in the barest of details. but that...that probably means he should, doesn't it? he sucks in whatever tears may be coming before they can go any further (alongside some snot) and continues. ] A couple months ago, he broke out of jail and he...abducted me. He wanted me to kill his old boss - that's the guy he was targeting all those years ago. When I told him just that - that I'm nothing like him - he told me not to underestimate myself. [ he can still hear his voice as clearly as if it were yesterday. the scene plays over and over in his head, like the scene of some horror movie. ] I told him I'd never do it, but he threatened that if I didn't...he would blow up bombs all over a convention center just...full of kids. Hundreds of people. If it weren't for Kara...[ he shakes his head ] You've never seen her in action, Jim, all powered up. She had - it must have been 5 seconds, 10 at best, and still she managed to do it, somehow. Freeze the room, to absorb the shock of the explosions. Thanks to her, nobody died, there were just some cuts and bruises. But if it were just me...I came so close. Too close.
[ Kirk was patient as he listened to him, though for a second his hand tightened sharply on Winn's shoulder. It wasn't out of anger at Winn, though. It was anger at his father, that someone who was supposed to love him could force him into a corner like that, force him to try and make that kind of decision. He loosened his grip, but did not remove his touch from Winn's arm, gathering his thoughts. ]
That's not a fair situation to judge yourself, Winn. The decision he was forcing you to make - it is a hard one, an impossible one.
[ He took a breath. ]
If I was in that situation, if there were no other choices, no other options - I would have chosen your father's boss. There is a phrase I was taught by a friend - the needs of the many before the needs of the one. And though it is a hard choice, an impossible one, that is what I would have done. And it would not have made me a monster. I would feel guilt every day for having to do it, but there are times we have to make those impossible choices.
But they do not make us monsters.
Had you had to make that choice - you would have felt guilt, wouldn't you? To you it is a choice you cannot fathom making, isn't it? The fact you feel that, the fact that just even coming close to having to choose has hurt you so much - you are so far from being your father that not in this lifetime could you ever close that gap.
[ the way his father framed it, it's clear that killing chester dunholtz would have been the lesser evil, the right choice to make, but he's not sure he would have even had the courage to make that decision. when it came down to it, he took a desperate leap of faith. but what if it would have backfired? what if kara hadn't made it in time? all those lives he risked...they weigh on his conscience too. ]
I don't know what I would've done if I didn't have Kara. [ if it happened only a year earlier supergirl wouldn't have been there. or...would kara have come out of hiding for his sake? it wouldn't have mattered, not unless she told him before he was taken, because he wouldn't have known there was hope, that help was coming. that someone other than seriously trigger happy fbi agents was on the case. his voice is laced with emotion, choked up. he feels so guilty over what might have been that it still threatens to tear him apart, all this time later. but that might be because, again, he never allowed himself to talk about it.
he lets out a shaky breath. ]
I'm terrified he'll show up here, Jim. Prison bars mean nothing to the Atroma, they barely mean anything to him.
But you do have her, Winn. You have her, Kitty, me - all the friends you've
made here. You are not alone, Winn. And if he does show up? You're still
not alone. I will defend you against him, just like I know Kara and Kitty
will.
[ He gave Winn another squeeze, knowing that what he was saying was a
touch hypocritical, but it didn't matter so long as it helped Winn. ]
You can't linger on the things that did not happen or might have. The fact
is they didn't, Winn - and that's what matters.
[ he knows that for now, he has his friends. he also knows that those friends - could very easily taken away by the atroma. but that's not what matters right now - it might be what matters in the heat of the moment - but right now, what matters is that he doesn't just know in his heart that they'd be there for him because - that's who they are, they're heroes, they'd protect anyone. what matters to him is hearing out loud that they'd be there for him, specifically, because he's worth it, he's worth fighting for. ]
Thanks, Jim. [ he offers a small smile that's not quite all there. he's still weighed by a lot of guilt, a lot of fears, and a lot of things he hasn't talked about yet. but for the moment - he's a lot happier, too. ] You're right, I do feel better talking about it.
[ Kirk would never tell anyone they weren't worth fighting for. He had
fought for people he couldn't even understand, even gotten in trouble for
it, but he fought because it was the right thing to do. And Winn was his
friend. Of course he would fight for him. Frankly, at this point, if he
ever saw Winn's father he'd clock him no questions asked.
He gives Winn's arm a squeeze, figuring that was enough to get out of Winn
for the moment. It was good he had spoken, and he was glad he had, but
pushing to far could be damaging too. At least he hoped Winn knew he could
come talk to him anytime now, and he hoped he would speak with that Charles
man again. A thirty minute talk couldn't undo years of trauma. He knew
that. But he liked to hope it helped. ]
Good. And I'm sorry I pushed so hard before. I really do trust you, but I
also want you to stay healthy and safe too.
And when you want to talk again - just let me know.
[ nobody needs to tell winn he's not worth it, enough people have in his life to hammer that message in. it's why reactions like jim's, they always take him a little bit by surprise, and he always appreciates them more than he could ever say.
he smiles a little and shakes his head. ]
It's ok, I get it. I do. I get where you're coming from. But uh, I should probably tell you that what works on me - [ they were having a good talk. he wants to end it here, end on a high note. but kara's his best friend and she asked him to tell kirk not to treat her like a child. he can't not do it. but boy, he wishes he could and it shows. but jim just spoke honestly out of concern for him, and that's exactly what he's doing too - he doesn't want to see him and kara start to rip apart over a misunderstanding. ] doesn't really work on Kara. She's kinda been feeling like...well, like you don't trust her, like you're treating her like a child, like you're against her having powers. I told her -- that's not how it is, that you've helped us - me - with the blueprints. But. Maybe you could find another way to voice your concerns? Kara needs to be believed in, and I know you have no way of knowing this cuz you've never seen her in action -- but she really does know what she's doing. She's trained, and she's precise. And she'd never do anything to hurt us. [ those his faith in her may be a touch blinding. ]
[ Kirk raises his eyebrows when Winn brings up this subject, scrunching his brow as he tried to think on what he might have said to cause Kara to think that. He had gotten a little nervous about the laser eyes she mentioned, but not for lack of trust. He would be wary with anyone who had that ability or a weapon like that on the ship, not just Kara, and he had no problem with her other powers. Sure he had teased her about the super strength and breaking the door, but he hadn't though it was enough to make her think he thought her a child. ]
I don't think she would do anything to hurt us, Winn. She never struck me as the sort that would - she's a good person. It's not that I don't trust her, it's just that I would like some things to be approached with caution. I'm aware she has powers, and I'm sure she can control them - it's just certain ones I would prefer not be used on the ship. She said she had laser vision, and while I know she's not about to go boiling a hole in the hull for kicks, I would simply prefer it not be used on the ship. Accidents happen, Winn, and I mean this with greatest respect - but expecting Kara to be able to contain the situation in the event of a ship explosion or hull breach on her own is not only, I think, putting a lot of pressure on Kara - but gross negligence on my part as a captain to ensure the safety of everyone on this ship.
It's why I asked you to make sure everyone was alerted if something happens to Project Plato. I think it is in the best interest of everyone on this ship, for their safety, that she not use a power like that unless we really, really need it.
I'll see about having another talk with her. I didn't mean to make her feel like I don't trust her, or don't believe in her, but I have to think about what's best for the entire ship and the best ways to avoid potentially fatal incidents and need those concerns and measures to be taken seriously.
[ There was no guarantee, after all, that Atroma wouldn't let the ship blow up, use it and their deaths to get better "ratings", or some other twisted purpose. It was to much of a risk. ]
I understand where you're coming from, I do. I know that's not how you meant it, I'm telling you how she heard it. I just -- look I just think she'd be a lot more open to what you're saying if she knows it's coming from a source that does believe in her, does trust her, that's all. I told her -- that she's not being singled out that you come to me with your concerns about my inventions too, just. [ his hand goes up in his hair; he's not really sure what to tell jim to do here. he's never mastered the art of giving kara crit. that's alex's job. ] She knows she needs to be careful, she does, just like I do. We know what we're doing is dangerous. But she's feeling helpless as it is without her powers, stuck here with the rest of us when she's - used to saving the day. And when you tell her she can't do this or that, it all adds up. Just - she already knows she needs to be careful. What she needs to know now is that her friend believes that she will be.
[ He sucked his lip, seeing Winn's point. He could have communicated
better, but it was sometimes hard to step back and talk like they were
friends rather than the captain-crew relationship. It came naturally when
it concerned the safety of the ship and her people, and in all honesty,
looking back, his choice of words had probably been poor. He felt guilty
that he had made Kara believe he doubted her, though he wasn't sorry for
his attempts to encourage safe practices either. Had he been better, he
would have realized what Winn did. She had even told him she had been
without her powers for awhile, even though Kirk was sure no powers was
actually species normal for her. But that wasn't the point. The point was
he had probably come across as an ass, and at the least owed Kara an
apology for that. ]
[ winn's known her for two years, two years in which she was the center of his universe. he learned to read between her lines better than most.
he nods, finally putting his hand down, with a small grateful smile and a lot of anxiety hoping -- he said the right thing, he didn't say too much, that he didn't accidentally make things worse with his good intentions. ]
Thanks, Captain. [ he pats his shoulder and lets his hand drop again. ok. so he should go before this conversation somehow starts centering around his childhood or something, shouldn't he? ] Right - I'm gonna go now. But uh - I'll bring your communicator back in like, 10-15 minutes, and just have everyone else drops their by. [ he nods ] Good talk.
All right, I'll make the announcement to the rest of the crew. And Winn -
please get at least six hours, just to humor me, won't you?
[ See, he was compromising. Not eight, but at least six, all right? He
really was concerned for his health, and he didn't want Winn's work to
suffer due to reduced brain function from lack of sleep. ]
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momijizukamori and
Re: action;
Date: 2016-06-03 02:18 am (UTC)There are some - like Dimentia and Alzheimer's. But what you're talking about? No. There's been no link ever found.
[ There had been some research done into circumstance and upbringing. But it always proven inconclusive at best. It was simply one of those things that happened, the mind still to complex to full understand. ]
And besides...
[ He moved his hand up to grip Winn's shoulder. ]
You have good people around you. Kara. Kitty. Me. A host of others. If you ever feel like you are slipping - we'll pull you back. We won't let you become that. My friends stopped me before I could cross that line. I could do no less for you, and I'm sure Kara, Kitty, and the others would agree.
action;
Date: 2016-06-03 07:04 am (UTC)congratulations, kirk, you broke through. ]
I met a telepath and he told me...I need to get help.
[ for your trauma and how much it's hurting you in your daily life winn, not because you're insane. see, if you got help for that you wouldn't be so quick to misinterpret things! ] What if I already am without knowing?
[ can that happen? can he go crazy and not know it? it must happen - crazy people aren't crazy to themselves - but how does he defend himself against an invisible enemy that leaves no tracks? how can his friends tell the difference, when his behavior isn't exactly normative under the best of circumstances? he works too hard. is that his personality, or the madness? he comes up with wild theories. is that his brilliant mind, or the madness? ]
action;
Date: 2016-06-04 04:08 am (UTC)Maybe what he meant was this. You know, talking to someone. This has been eating at you for awhile, hasn't it?
[ He sighed and tipped his head in, pressing his forehead to Winn's hair. ]
You aren't insane, Winn. You're dedicated. Dedicated to your work and to the people you care about. There's nothing insane about that - even though I still wish you'd go get a solid eight hours.
[ He said the last with a soft huff of laughter. ]
action;
Date: 2016-06-04 06:18 am (UTC)and maybe he's right. this has been eating away at him for most of his life. from the time it became clear his father was the one behind the bomb, until the time he left for college and finally broke free of the people who knew who he was - he was reminded of it almost daily. the son of a murderer is one of the worst kinds of marks of shame you can carry around orphans. he thought he'd put it all behind him, until the man broke out of jail and just like that - he was 11 years old again.
maybe what's making him crazy isn't his father's deeds, it's the fact that he's never been able to talk about them. ]
A while, yeah. Since I was 11.
[ he huffs a choked up laugh in reply to kirk's. ]
You don't quit, do you?
[ said fondly. please never quit on him, he hasn't felt this safe and taken care of in so long. ]
Re: action;
Date: 2016-06-04 06:47 am (UTC)[ If he was honest with himself, this was partly about him too. He cared about Winn and wanted to help him from running into a downward spiral. But it also about proving to himself, just a little, that he was not useless here. That he had a purpose and a place. He was a captain back home. He was supposed to care for his crew, his family, and the isolation from them here was painful. Being able to do this for Winn meant something for him too, though mostly he was glad that he had, hopefully, pulled Winn out of what he thought could turn into a nosedive. ]
Yeah, that sounds like a long time. It's hard, when people expect you to be something you're not - good or bad.
[ He chuckles softly again. ]
I am incredibly stubborn once I set my mind on something. How else did I become captain in three years?
[ There were extenuating circumstances but not important right now. And he knew he could take that part of himself to far. He had been pushing the other earlier, trying to help when he could have damaged their friendship. He knew his pride to often went untempered, especially in the face of seeing someone he cared about hurting. ]
action;
Date: 2016-06-04 06:55 am (UTC)he finally takes a step back, but if kirk wants to keep his hands on him he won't shake them off. ]
You made Captain in three years? Damn, I'm impressed.
[ he smiles, because that part is easier to form a coherent reply to than the first. it is hard, and it's painful, and it makes him uncertain of who he is, what he is, if he's that because that's his nature, or because he's trying to live up to other people's expectations of him. ]
action;
Date: 2016-06-06 02:13 am (UTC)[ Partly through his own ability, but also from taking advantage of a situation. He had proven himself, but how he initially got himself in the chair - it was not one of his prouder moments, though he felt it was necessary. He was sure his intervention had kept them from destroying themselves, but it couldn't make up for the cruel way he had twisted Spock's loss and used it against him either.
He rubs Winn's arm, a comforting up and down slide against his bicep. ]
But we're not talking about me. We're talking about you, and how you are not your father, and never will be.
action;
Date: 2016-06-06 06:04 am (UTC)but kara didn't blame him, james didn't blame him, alex didn't blame him, kitty didn't blame him, cisco didn't blame him, and neither does jim. it's a kindness he won't soon - or ever - forget. ]
It won't be for lack of effort on his part, though. [ winn rubs his face; he's not sure he wants to tell this part, he's only told kitty so far and even then, in the barest of details. but that...that probably means he should, doesn't it? he sucks in whatever tears may be coming before they can go any further (alongside some snot) and continues. ] A couple months ago, he broke out of jail and he...abducted me. He wanted me to kill his old boss - that's the guy he was targeting all those years ago. When I told him just that - that I'm nothing like him - he told me not to underestimate myself. [ he can still hear his voice as clearly as if it were yesterday. the scene plays over and over in his head, like the scene of some horror movie. ] I told him I'd never do it, but he threatened that if I didn't...he would blow up bombs all over a convention center just...full of kids. Hundreds of people. If it weren't for Kara...[ he shakes his head ] You've never seen her in action, Jim, all powered up. She had - it must have been 5 seconds, 10 at best, and still she managed to do it, somehow. Freeze the room, to absorb the shock of the explosions. Thanks to her, nobody died, there were just some cuts and bruises. But if it were just me...I came so close. Too close.
action;
Date: 2016-06-06 06:17 am (UTC)That's not a fair situation to judge yourself, Winn. The decision he was forcing you to make - it is a hard one, an impossible one.
[ He took a breath. ]
If I was in that situation, if there were no other choices, no other options - I would have chosen your father's boss. There is a phrase I was taught by a friend - the needs of the many before the needs of the one. And though it is a hard choice, an impossible one, that is what I would have done. And it would not have made me a monster. I would feel guilt every day for having to do it, but there are times we have to make those impossible choices.
But they do not make us monsters.
Had you had to make that choice - you would have felt guilt, wouldn't you? To you it is a choice you cannot fathom making, isn't it? The fact you feel that, the fact that just even coming close to having to choose has hurt you so much - you are so far from being your father that not in this lifetime could you ever close that gap.
action;
Date: 2016-06-06 06:35 am (UTC)I don't know what I would've done if I didn't have Kara. [ if it happened only a year earlier supergirl wouldn't have been there. or...would kara have come out of hiding for his sake? it wouldn't have mattered, not unless she told him before he was taken, because he wouldn't have known there was hope, that help was coming. that someone other than seriously trigger happy fbi agents was on the case. his voice is laced with emotion, choked up. he feels so guilty over what might have been that it still threatens to tear him apart, all this time later. but that might be because, again, he never allowed himself to talk about it.
he lets out a shaky breath. ]
I'm terrified he'll show up here, Jim. Prison bars mean nothing to the Atroma, they barely mean anything to him.
Re: action;
Date: 2016-06-06 06:53 am (UTC)But you do have her, Winn. You have her, Kitty, me - all the friends you've made here. You are not alone, Winn. And if he does show up? You're still not alone. I will defend you against him, just like I know Kara and Kitty will.
[ He gave Winn another squeeze, knowing that what he was saying was a touch hypocritical, but it didn't matter so long as it helped Winn. ]
You can't linger on the things that did not happen or might have. The fact is they didn't, Winn - and that's what matters.
action;
Date: 2016-06-06 07:04 am (UTC)Thanks, Jim. [ he offers a small smile that's not quite all there. he's still weighed by a lot of guilt, a lot of fears, and a lot of things he hasn't talked about yet. but for the moment - he's a lot happier, too. ] You're right, I do feel better talking about it.
Re: action;
Date: 2016-06-07 05:48 am (UTC)[ Kirk would never tell anyone they weren't worth fighting for. He had fought for people he couldn't even understand, even gotten in trouble for it, but he fought because it was the right thing to do. And Winn was his friend. Of course he would fight for him. Frankly, at this point, if he ever saw Winn's father he'd clock him no questions asked.
He gives Winn's arm a squeeze, figuring that was enough to get out of Winn for the moment. It was good he had spoken, and he was glad he had, but pushing to far could be damaging too. At least he hoped Winn knew he could come talk to him anytime now, and he hoped he would speak with that Charles man again. A thirty minute talk couldn't undo years of trauma. He knew that. But he liked to hope it helped. ]
Good. And I'm sorry I pushed so hard before. I really do trust you, but I also want you to stay healthy and safe too.
And when you want to talk again - just let me know.
action;
Date: 2016-06-07 05:58 am (UTC)he smiles a little and shakes his head. ]
It's ok, I get it. I do. I get where you're coming from. But uh, I should probably tell you that what works on me - [ they were having a good talk. he wants to end it here, end on a high note. but kara's his best friend and she asked him to tell kirk not to treat her like a child. he can't not do it. but boy, he wishes he could and it shows. but jim just spoke honestly out of concern for him, and that's exactly what he's doing too - he doesn't want to see him and kara start to rip apart over a misunderstanding. ] doesn't really work on Kara. She's kinda been feeling like...well, like you don't trust her, like you're treating her like a child, like you're against her having powers. I told her -- that's not how it is, that you've helped us - me - with the blueprints. But. Maybe you could find another way to voice your concerns? Kara needs to be believed in, and I know you have no way of knowing this cuz you've never seen her in action -- but she really does know what she's doing. She's trained, and she's precise. And she'd never do anything to hurt us. [ those his faith in her may be a touch blinding. ]
action;
Date: 2016-06-07 06:13 am (UTC)I don't think she would do anything to hurt us, Winn. She never struck me as the sort that would - she's a good person. It's not that I don't trust her, it's just that I would like some things to be approached with caution. I'm aware she has powers, and I'm sure she can control them - it's just certain ones I would prefer not be used on the ship. She said she had laser vision, and while I know she's not about to go boiling a hole in the hull for kicks, I would simply prefer it not be used on the ship. Accidents happen, Winn, and I mean this with greatest respect - but expecting Kara to be able to contain the situation in the event of a ship explosion or hull breach on her own is not only, I think, putting a lot of pressure on Kara - but gross negligence on my part as a captain to ensure the safety of everyone on this ship.
It's why I asked you to make sure everyone was alerted if something happens to Project Plato. I think it is in the best interest of everyone on this ship, for their safety, that she not use a power like that unless we really, really need it.
I'll see about having another talk with her. I didn't mean to make her feel like I don't trust her, or don't believe in her, but I have to think about what's best for the entire ship and the best ways to avoid potentially fatal incidents and need those concerns and measures to be taken seriously.
[ There was no guarantee, after all, that Atroma wouldn't let the ship blow up, use it and their deaths to get better "ratings", or some other twisted purpose. It was to much of a risk. ]
action;
Date: 2016-06-07 06:24 am (UTC)I understand where you're coming from, I do. I know that's not how you meant it, I'm telling you how she heard it. I just -- look I just think she'd be a lot more open to what you're saying if she knows it's coming from a source that does believe in her, does trust her, that's all. I told her -- that she's not being singled out that you come to me with your concerns about my inventions too, just. [ his hand goes up in his hair; he's not really sure what to tell jim to do here. he's never mastered the art of giving kara crit. that's alex's job. ] She knows she needs to be careful, she does, just like I do. We know what we're doing is dangerous. But she's feeling helpless as it is without her powers, stuck here with the rest of us when she's - used to saving the day. And when you tell her she can't do this or that, it all adds up. Just - she already knows she needs to be careful. What she needs to know now is that her friend believes that she will be.
Re: action;
Date: 2016-06-07 06:32 am (UTC)[ He sucked his lip, seeing Winn's point. He could have communicated better, but it was sometimes hard to step back and talk like they were friends rather than the captain-crew relationship. It came naturally when it concerned the safety of the ship and her people, and in all honesty, looking back, his choice of words had probably been poor. He felt guilty that he had made Kara believe he doubted her, though he wasn't sorry for his attempts to encourage safe practices either. Had he been better, he would have realized what Winn did. She had even told him she had been without her powers for awhile, even though Kirk was sure no powers was actually species normal for her. But that wasn't the point. The point was he had probably come across as an ass, and at the least owed Kara an apology for that. ]
I'll talk with her. I promise - Captain's honor.
action;
Date: 2016-06-07 06:39 am (UTC)he nods, finally putting his hand down, with a small grateful smile and a lot of anxiety hoping -- he said the right thing, he didn't say too much, that he didn't accidentally make things worse with his good intentions. ]
Thanks, Captain. [ he pats his shoulder and lets his hand drop again. ok. so he should go before this conversation somehow starts centering around his childhood or something, shouldn't he? ] Right - I'm gonna go now. But uh - I'll bring your communicator back in like, 10-15 minutes, and just have everyone else drops their by. [ he nods ] Good talk.
Re: action;
Date: 2016-06-10 04:45 am (UTC)All right, I'll make the announcement to the rest of the crew. And Winn - please get at least six hours, just to humor me, won't you?
[ See, he was compromising. Not eight, but at least six, all right? He really was concerned for his health, and he didn't want Winn's work to suffer due to reduced brain function from lack of sleep. ]
Good talk.
action;
Date: 2016-06-10 04:04 pm (UTC)Aye aye, captain. I'll try. [ it's all he can promise, really. ]