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[winn]

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[winn]

I think that's a good idea.

[ was he on the verge of a panic attack or something worse? he should probably get himself properly checked out. ]

[passingthrough]

[Probably. But the only people she could think to send him to would be Beverly or Simon for medical needs and then Charles for mental, but a telepath is pretty extreme and she isn't sure she trusts enough for that to really help her. It's a lot to suggest.

She lifts her head up and kisses his cheek before she steps back toward the bed, pulling him along and not bothering to take her clothes off or change out of them.]

I am good at those. Sometimes.

[winn]

Usually.

[ he isn't ready for a telepath, and in any case - he doesn't think it will help him, either. he needs someone to teach him how to talk, how to open up, not take away the necessity because they have an open line directly into his head.

he follows along, curling up close to her. ]

[passingthrough]

[She likes that correction as she nuzzles in against his neck and breathes deeply.] I like us. [They have their problems. Things usually get worse before they get better. But then they get back to this and it's reassuring.]

[winn]

[ considering their environment and how quick they got close, this was bound to happen eventually, it's amazing it took them this long to start having problems. but they don't break them, and that feels good. this is the most open he's ever been in a relationship, romantic or otherwise. ]

Me too.

[ he strokes her hair, it's practically reflex by now. ]

[passingthrough]

[It's a good reflex.] Mmmm... I could fall asleep like this. [Except that's no feat. She only has trouble sleeping without him. He's the one who can't escape his own mind.]

[winn]

Go for it. [ he smiles softly ] Sleep's good for you. Just ask Jim, he can't shut up about it. [ fondly ]

[passingthrough]

I'm glad he's the nagging wife so I can just be the fun one.

[winn]

Yeah - I'm much more comfortable with the nagging big brother. Or dad.

[passingthrough]

I don't know, Winn. It's kind of weird that you want to think of me as your fun big brother. [Or dad, but she doesn't repeat that part because she's a little surprised he can talk about dads casually.]

[winn]

[ it's a weird disconnect and over-connect that somehow coexist peacefully

he rolls his eyes affectionately. ]

I never hid my weirdness, it's a little to come complaining about it.

[passingthrough]

[She kisses his jaw.] Is this good or do you want to throw the old ball around?

[winn]

I already have a mean big brother.

[ jim berates him about his lack of athletic ability. ]

This is good.

[passingthrough]

Look at you gathering family. [She tucks herself in closer to him.]

[winn]

Yeah.

[ he settles in quietly, just stroking her hair.

he was so happy about it at first, but what kind of big brother is he if he can't be in the same room as sascha? he was so focused on helping sascha find his way back and now he has. it means there's nothing left to distract him from the problem of finding his own way back, and that just feels like a gaping abyss. ]

[passingthrough]

[That is extremely relaxing and she could drift off to sleep right now, but she hears something kind of sad in that yeah's undertone.] I do that too. Orphan thing I guess.

[winn]

Must be.

[ he smiles sadly and kisses the top of her head. ]

[passingthrough]

We found each other. We'll make the biggest family of all. [Nuzzling.]

[winn]

[ that is slightly terrifying are they having the kids conversation again? ]

I'm good. With what we got. It's a quality family.

[passingthrough]

[She pauses a moment because that wasn't exactly the response she expected.] I didn't mean... I just... Just what we were talking about. [She wasn't trying to bring kids into it. She was in more of a parent/sibling place.]

[winn]

[ there is some instant relaxation there. that really is the last thing he needs on his mind right now. ]

Still good with what we got. I have you - I have Kara and Jim looking out for me, Cisco and Hank to play with, Margaery and - [ he takes a breath and forces himself to include him. if he can't even say he'll never get anywhere better, either. ] Sascha to look out for. It's a good, big, well rounded family.

[ and he has other friends, too. kate, steve, tyrion, pinkie pie, maglor, wrath, vision, hermione...and people he's skirting friendship with like kurt and charles. his list is already longer than he ever thought it could be. he'd rather be able to give his all to the family he has now than to be stretched too thin between too many people. he's never been one for the big crowds. ]

[passingthrough]

That's a good list for you. [It's not her list. And if she were to give hers she'd probably only be comfortable and secure with four names—Kurt, Winn, Tyrion and Sascha, but there are others she cares about and feels connected to. More she would include in her list if she was more sure they wouldn't mind being on it.

She's glad he managed to include Sascha on it, but she can tell it was hard. For her part she's trying not to be disappointed that he was probably thinking of children and it made him so tense before.]

[winn]

[ even if he didn't have preexisting concerns about parenthood - which he does - and even if he were in a state of perfect mental health - which he's pretty sure he has never been in in his life - and even if their lives weren't dominated by the atroma - the phrase biggest family of all would still have given him a panic attack in relation to kids. when they're back home and settled and consistently happy for a while - maybe he can handle one kid. two - so they'd have the sibling he's only now discovering. but he's pretty sure that's as much as he can handle in any mental state. ]

Mmmhm. I kinda love it a lot.

[ every person on the list means a lot to him. even sascha. he knows their lists don't exactly match -- but that's healthy, isn't it? they're supposed to have their separate families, and bring them together over time. they haven't taken their time with anything, and it feels like it's blowing up in their faces with all these fights. slowing down a little bit seems like a rational response. ]

[passingthrough]

[It would freak her out too! She doesn't look forward to being pregnant. It's much harder and more dangerous to fight like that! And of course she's hopefully not needing to fight anyone at the point at which they are ready to have kids. But there is always an awareness and preparedness going on with her even if it's subtle. One kid, maybe two. That sounds perfect and plenty. She doesn't expect things to be perfect, but she would like them better before really planning anything. They are closer on this than either might think. She still worries he's thinking "only never."]

Good. You deserve it. [She doesn't know how to slow down. Don't hinge things on something she doesn't know how to do!]

[winn]

[ having kids never was at the top of his list of aspirations in life. but if they manage to get back home where it's safe and their relationship endures the move - then, he'd be able to consider it. it's hard to think about now because he's already changed so much over 6 months. who knows who he'll be by the time they make it back to national city? ]

I've been thinking a lot lately, about my family. I tried pretending I have no parents - you know, that didn't work. Prison break kinda...ruined that. I tried focusing on the bad, to try and distance myself from them - that backfired, I almost had myself convinced that my dad is what everyone sees when they look at me which is clearly stupid since the only person here who even met the guy is Kara. Now I'm thinking...maybe if I remember what they used to be like, I could forgive them, a little bit. Enough to stop obsessing over them and enjoy what I got.