[the offer makes him laugh, shaky but no less genuine. He already had plans to go wreck some things as soon as he felt like he could get away and not feel guilty about it]
All it will take is one punch and I'll feel bad. [he remembers that here, he weakened the serum. He'd done it back home, too. He remembers easily punching through the panel of Cerebro—nope. Nope nope nope]
Ask me something. Distract me. Maybe that's what I need.
[ like he would ruin someone's property without replacing it with something better. but he takes that laugh as a victory.
all the questions he can think of aren't very distracting, and his need for knowledge comes second to hank's needs right now, so he goes for option two. ]
I'm building us a computer - so we can have better non-Atroma-controlled processing capabilities. Well, actually the computer's built, I'm working on the software now - I don't trust this planet's operating systems, you know, if we're right and they're all a part of the Atroma we may as well do our processing on the ship's mainframe. So it's gonna be a while til it actually does anything but -- wanna take a look?
[he doesn't think he could give Winn's computer the proper attention it deserves, but it's a distraction and a welcome one. And he could always come back when he's sorted himself out better and isn't on the verge of breaking down]
Sure. I might actually know what I'm looking at this time around.
[ a homemade computer not being exciting news just proves how dire the situation really is. it takes physical restraint to keep from bombarding hank with questions. ]
It's not much to look at, yet. Don't even have a name for it. But -
[ he pulls it out into the open, and removes the box so the chips and wires are all exposed for hank to see. ] Tada -
[it isn't that it doesn't excite him; it does, it just . . . is hard to muster up showing that much. He's more exhausted than he's ever felt, and he could claim it's this new old age or something else but it'd all be a horrible lie]
No name yet? [he leans over to look, tsking quietly. He can muster up some of his old self, though, and he . . . addresses the computer] I'm sure he's just waiting for a good one to come along. Don't let him ask Cisco.
—wow. [he was right; he does know what he's looking at, and he leans closer, some excitement peeking through] Are you going to write a completely new operating system, or - would it be based off of MS-DOS? [look Winn he knows more things!!]
If it'll develop enough artificial intelligence to know to ask Cisco - I'm sure it could name itself.
[ he smiles, though, when hank's excitement levels seem to rise. it's just good to see him feeling the tiniest bit better. ]
Look at you, Mr. expert! Yeah, it'd take me ages if I try not to base it on anything, and I wanna get this up and running ASAP so good as I am - DOS is still easiest.
If it develops artificial intelligence period, I'm going to begin to worry.
[he shoots Winn a wry look and shrugs, a little self-conscious but no less excited]
I still try to keep up with things, even if I'm busier nowadays. [and he has a group of nerdy students who're into the same thing, so] Can I look at it when you're finished?
Are you kidding me, if you don't play with it when I'm finished, I'm gonna take it as a personal offense. This is ours. [ he's not just building this for himself, it's for hank and cisco too, and jim - if he needs it. ]
["ours". He looks taken aback for a moment before he grins; he'd forgotten what it was like to have friends his age (younger than him now, but it that's not important)]
[ it's going to take them a while, he knows, to regain their rhythm. but it still hurts. he and hank were about as in-sync as two people can be, and the thought of losing that is terrifying. ]
[are you prepared for a ton of apologies? Because Winn is going to get so many apologies. He knows he's off now, and he doesn't know how that'll be once his head settles and life returns to some semblance of normal]
Right. Dibs on playing with it before Cisco. [because even if ten years have passed, he still has his moments of immaturity. He hasn't changed that much.
But he does sigh and sit back, and takes off his glasses to drag a hand down his face. He feels a little less likely to burst now]
I have nothing to show you, but I did build a few things back home - another jet, and - there's the Danger Room. [that sounds safe. He huffs, actually disappointed he can't show Winn any of it] And then rebuilt the one, but that's a - long story.
[ he's not prepared for apologies. he is, however, prepared for how much it's going to hurt for them to even feel needed by either of them. ]
You got it. [ because hank is hurting and winn would give him anything if it'll cheer him up even a fraction.
sitting by hank's side, he tries his best to find some sort of balance between being gentle and not making hank feel like he's treating him like a ticking bomb. he knows what that treatment feels like, and he hates being on the receiving end of it. ]
That sounds awesome - what's the Danger Room? [ that at least feels like a safe (get it?) question to ask. ]
[if only Winn knew how much Hank needs him, Hank just sucks at showing it, at all, ever.
That and he doesn't want to dump Apocalypse on him because no one in their right mind deserves that]
It's a training room for the X-Men. The walls are all - . . . well, everything-proof, more or less, and I have things built into the walls to act as a sort of obstacle course. I can change it up depending on who's in there, since everyone's powers are different.
[and a pause]
And I might've rebuilt a sentinel for training purposes.
[ apocalypse has been dumped on him, just in a different timeline. where everything got destroyed and his girlfriend is dead and everyone is dead and everything sucks. ]
-- what are the walls made of? [ in quiet admiration.
the word sentinel, though, is rewarded by an obvious clenching. just imagining what hank has had to go through in that decade is killing him. ]
So robotics, now, too? Our little geezer's growing up. [ look he's trying. ]
[he huffs] You can call me old, but not a geezer. I have to draw a line somewhere.
They're made of steel, and a couple of other things. [he lists off a few materials, who even knows what they are thanks movies] It's only been finished for a couple of weeks, but so far it's been doing a good job of holding up.
But yeah - robotics, too. Since - the X-Men are officially a thing now.
[ he pats his arm, being intentionally obnoxious to lighten the mood. he whistles at that list of materials, it's a very impressive list of materials! ]
That's badass - hey, congratulations.
[ he knows the reasons why they need to exists all basically amount to because the world sucks, but it's still great they exist. he knows how much the team means to them. he knows how much being a part of team supergirl means to him. ]
Wow, I'm not that old. Save that for the real old men.
[he appreciates it. He and Charles did the same thing, immediately bickering with one another rather than voicing their concerns. It had helped a lot.
His smile turns a little bittersweet, but it's still there all the same] Thanks. The other X-Men are a couple of our students, but - they're incredibly impressive. Not - that all of my students aren't impressive, but -
Being a superhero kind of pushes it to a new level of impressive. [ he nods. much the same way as his intelligence is impressive, sure, but kara saves lives. ] Are your students okay?
[ it's the first real question he's asked, but he feels like it's warranted. he needs to know just how worried he needs to be about hank. ]
It - yeah, it really does. [it's the first time he hasn't denied the superhero part. He kind of can't now.
The question gives him pause, and he could lie. He could lie outright, but he decides not to. Because it'll bite him in the ass later, and . . . he needs to talk about something]
They're . . . getting there. I mean, they're - physically alright, but what happened effected all of the students. So it's mostly a . . . day by day thing. It's been a few weeks now, but some things still . . . sort of linger.
he notes that difference and while he's happy that hank finally accepts it - it's terrifying to think what it would have taken to get him there.
the vagueness isn't helping his dying of worry over here. ]
I'm glad they're...physically alright. [ he sighs, running his fingers through his hair. how to say what he needs to say without seeming like he's pushing? he doesn't want to push hank into talking about something he doesn't want to, but he doesn't want hank not to talk about something he does need to talk about out of concern for his well being. it's something all superheroes seem to do (it's something he does, too) and yet he still hasn't learned how to address it. ] Hank look if - if you want to talk about what happened, I just want you to know you can. You don't need to spare me. [ he smiles a small, humorless smile ] I'm tougher than I look. [ he's had to deal with so much since he got to the fleet, and he's still standing, isn't he? ]
I know. [he looks at Winn before he glances down at his hands, clenching in his lap] It's not - it's not that I don't think you can handle it.
[it's that it's so fresh in his mind despite being weeks ago that even thinking too long about it makes it hard to breathe, makes it so he wants to go hover around Charles and Raven and even Erik until he can shove the panic back down.
He doesn't want to go into details. He doesn't want relive Cairo all over again, like he'd done as soon as he'd woken up. He doesn't want to see Winn's reaction to a single name that would explain everything all too clearly.
So, he settles on a compromise]
We - I - we almost lost everything. Charles, Raven, Peter - Erik - [in a way, briefly, they had] We - did lose Alex, because he's an idiot— [his throat tightens up and he shakes his head. That's one particular part he hadn't dealt with back home and he certainly wasn't ready to do it here]
I can't - I can't talk about all of it just yet. But I promise - when I can, I will. When I get my head on straight.
[ you're just going to get pulled into the tightest hug winn can give you right now, hank. he doesn't need to know the details - he just needs hank to know that he can tell them, if he needs to. ]
[ he's not letting go until hank does. if anyone deserves hugs right now, it's his friend. ]
You got nothing to be sorry for. [ he's sure hank did everything that was humanly - and mutantly - possible back home. and what's happened here - is completely out of his hands. ]
We'll settle our score one day. [ the atroma is gonna get it. ]
Neither do you. [but that's how it always is; you know you did everything possible and yet it still feels like you could've done more. Like if he'd been just a little faster at grabbing Alex&mdash]
I know we will. I'm looking forward to it. [he's very, very tired of these "superior beings" messing with them. He's had his fill thank you]
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All it will take is one punch and I'll feel bad. [he remembers that here, he weakened the serum. He'd done it back home, too. He remembers easily punching through the panel of Cerebro—nope. Nope nope nope]
Ask me something. Distract me. Maybe that's what I need.
no subject
[ like he would ruin someone's property without replacing it with something better. but he takes that laugh as a victory.
all the questions he can think of aren't very distracting, and his need for knowledge comes second to hank's needs right now, so he goes for option two. ]
I'm building us a computer - so we can have better non-Atroma-controlled processing capabilities. Well, actually the computer's built, I'm working on the software now - I don't trust this planet's operating systems, you know, if we're right and they're all a part of the Atroma we may as well do our processing on the ship's mainframe. So it's gonna be a while til it actually does anything but -- wanna take a look?
no subject
[he doesn't think he could give Winn's computer the proper attention it deserves, but it's a distraction and a welcome one. And he could always come back when he's sorted himself out better and isn't on the verge of breaking down]
Sure. I might actually know what I'm looking at this time around.
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It's not much to look at, yet. Don't even have a name for it. But -
[ he pulls it out into the open, and removes the box so the chips and wires are all exposed for hank to see. ] Tada -
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No name yet? [he leans over to look, tsking quietly. He can muster up some of his old self, though, and he . . . addresses the computer] I'm sure he's just waiting for a good one to come along. Don't let him ask Cisco.
—wow. [he was right; he does know what he's looking at, and he leans closer, some excitement peeking through] Are you going to write a completely new operating system, or - would it be based off of MS-DOS? [look Winn he knows more things!!]
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[ he smiles, though, when hank's excitement levels seem to rise. it's just good to see him feeling the tiniest bit better. ]
Look at you, Mr. expert! Yeah, it'd take me ages if I try not to base it on anything, and I wanna get this up and running ASAP so good as I am - DOS is still easiest.
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[he shoots Winn a wry look and shrugs, a little self-conscious but no less excited]
I still try to keep up with things, even if I'm busier nowadays. [and he has a group of nerdy students who're into the same thing, so] Can I look at it when you're finished?
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[ shaking his head. ]
Are you kidding me, if you don't play with it when I'm finished, I'm gonna take it as a personal offense. This is ours. [ he's not just building this for himself, it's for hank and cisco too, and jim - if he needs it. ]
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Well, I wouldn't want to offend you.
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There you go, then, you're playing with it.
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Right. Dibs on playing with it before Cisco. [because even if ten years have passed, he still has his moments of immaturity. He hasn't changed that much.
But he does sigh and sit back, and takes off his glasses to drag a hand down his face. He feels a little less likely to burst now]
I have nothing to show you, but I did build a few things back home - another jet, and - there's the Danger Room. [that sounds safe. He huffs, actually disappointed he can't show Winn any of it] And then rebuilt the one, but that's a - long story.
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You got it. [ because hank is hurting and winn would give him anything if it'll cheer him up even a fraction.
sitting by hank's side, he tries his best to find some sort of balance between being gentle and not making hank feel like he's treating him like a ticking bomb. he knows what that treatment feels like, and he hates being on the receiving end of it. ]
That sounds awesome - what's the Danger Room? [ that at least feels like a safe (get it?) question to ask. ]
no subject
That and he doesn't want to dump Apocalypse on him because no one in their right mind deserves that]
It's a training room for the X-Men. The walls are all - . . . well, everything-proof, more or less, and I have things built into the walls to act as a sort of obstacle course. I can change it up depending on who's in there, since everyone's powers are different.
[and a pause]
And I might've rebuilt a sentinel for training purposes.
[y'know, as you do]
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-- what are the walls made of? [ in quiet admiration.
the word sentinel, though, is rewarded by an obvious clenching. just imagining what hank has had to go through in that decade is killing him. ]
So robotics, now, too? Our little geezer's growing up. [ look he's trying. ]
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They're made of steel, and a couple of other things. [he lists off a few materials, who even knows what they are thanks movies] It's only been finished for a couple of weeks, but so far it's been doing a good job of holding up.
But yeah - robotics, too. Since - the X-Men are officially a thing now.
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[ he pats his arm, being intentionally obnoxious to lighten the mood. he whistles at that list of materials, it's a very impressive list of materials! ]
That's badass - hey, congratulations.
[ he knows the reasons why they need to exists all basically amount to because the world sucks, but it's still great they exist. he knows how much the team means to them. he knows how much being a part of team supergirl means to him. ]
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[he appreciates it. He and Charles did the same thing, immediately bickering with one another rather than voicing their concerns. It had helped a lot.
His smile turns a little bittersweet, but it's still there all the same] Thanks. The other X-Men are a couple of our students, but - they're incredibly impressive. Not - that all of my students aren't impressive, but -
They've . . . sort of earned it.
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[ he'd do anything for hank. ]
Being a superhero kind of pushes it to a new level of impressive. [ he nods. much the same way as his intelligence is impressive, sure, but kara saves lives. ] Are your students okay?
[ it's the first real question he's asked, but he feels like it's warranted. he needs to know just how worried he needs to be about hank. ]
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[and he would do anything for Winn]
It - yeah, it really does. [it's the first time he hasn't denied the superhero part. He kind of can't now.
The question gives him pause, and he could lie. He could lie outright, but he decides not to. Because it'll bite him in the ass later, and . . . he needs to talk about something]
They're . . . getting there. I mean, they're - physically alright, but what happened effected all of the students. So it's mostly a . . . day by day thing. It's been a few weeks now, but some things still . . . sort of linger.
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[ he's way more immature, please.
he notes that difference and while he's happy that hank finally accepts it - it's terrifying to think what it would have taken to get him there.
the vagueness isn't helping his dying of worry over here. ]
I'm glad they're...physically alright. [ he sighs, running his fingers through his hair. how to say what he needs to say without seeming like he's pushing? he doesn't want to push hank into talking about something he doesn't want to, but he doesn't want hank not to talk about something he does need to talk about out of concern for his well being. it's something all superheroes seem to do (it's something he does, too) and yet he still hasn't learned how to address it. ] Hank look if - if you want to talk about what happened, I just want you to know you can. You don't need to spare me. [ he smiles a small, humorless smile ] I'm tougher than I look. [ he's had to deal with so much since he got to the fleet, and he's still standing, isn't he? ]
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[it's that it's so fresh in his mind despite being weeks ago that even thinking too long about it makes it hard to breathe, makes it so he wants to go hover around Charles and Raven and even Erik until he can shove the panic back down.
He doesn't want to go into details. He doesn't want relive Cairo all over again, like he'd done as soon as he'd woken up. He doesn't want to see Winn's reaction to a single name that would explain everything all too clearly.
So, he settles on a compromise]
We - I - we almost lost everything. Charles, Raven, Peter - Erik - [in a way, briefly, they had] We - did lose Alex, because he's an idiot— [his throat tightens up and he shakes his head. That's one particular part he hadn't dealt with back home and he certainly wasn't ready to do it here]
I can't - I can't talk about all of it just yet. But I promise - when I can, I will. When I get my head on straight.
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I'm so sorry.
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I am, too.
[he huffs out a weak noise, and there's a hint of something in it that's almost petulant, like how he once was about certain things]
I feel like I saw you last week and ten years ago at the same time. I hate this.
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You got nothing to be sorry for. [ he's sure hank did everything that was humanly - and mutantly - possible back home. and what's happened here - is completely out of his hands. ]
We'll settle our score one day. [ the atroma is gonna get it. ]
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Neither do you. [but that's how it always is; you know you did everything possible and yet it still feels like you could've done more. Like if he'd been just a little faster at grabbing Alex&mdash]
I know we will. I'm looking forward to it. [he's very, very tired of these "superior beings" messing with them. He's had his fill thank you]
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