[Well there's really not much to it; other than the standard things there's an mp3 player leaned against a gold, eyeless mask. And the collection of poisons, but those are stashed under Kurt's bed.]
Ja. I've also been able to teleport between dimensions through an already-opened tear between them, and seal it shut after. [And die in the process.]
Always smells like hell, doesn't it? [Yes, he's fully aware that teleporting right up to people is obnoxious. He does it anyway.]
In the world I came from, one of my team-mates was another teleporter who had been experimented on by one of Apocalypse's men. She'd begun unable to teleport anything without risking it coming through in pieces, but by the time she came to us Clarice was teleporting us to the moon and back. [Kurt shrugs.] So. Same dimension every time, but nothing saying it has to stay that way.
You're asking me? I have it on good authority that I'm an idiot.
[He pauses, and then:] The biggest limitation I have is that if I don't know where I'm going, I could teleport into something solid. If Kitty were to come with me, that negates one issue. Another is distance, but that's largely tied to a planet's magnetic field. Doesn't seem to apply so much when I'm going through a dimensional tear. It's rough, but I was able to do it multiple times in a half hour and I was still on my feet with enough energy to argue with Wolverine.
So if we find a way to open an interdimensional breach - you could get Kitty through safely? [ they still have to open the breach and he's nowhere near achieving that (thanks, augment!) but it's progress. his biggest fear here is that kitty get sent home to her death. ]
And here I thought McCoy was your friend. [He's being an ass; Hank McCoy did say that, but not the one Winn knows.]
If it was to a world other than our own, ja. You have to understand, Winn; even if I brought her to a point after her death, our world is being devoured. I sealed our dimension off to trap an army of monstrous creatures which exist for no other purpose.
[Kurt keeps a straight face for a second before cracking a thin smile.] Or unless I was referring to our McCoy, who has made it clear I'm an imbecile with an annoying good pedigree and the devil's luck.
[And honestly, Kurt will agree with him on that; he's not a genius, though he is clever. Other versions of him are, such as the teenage version who managed to amplify his powers to slice through the barriers between realities--and weaken them to breaking in the process.]
I have someone I want to pick up first before I settle in any reality.
[ he's the idiot, not seeing the value in the world he had, in the people living in it. ]
Sascha? [ it's a guess, based on his own feelings. he's been haunted since he disappeared, just hoping against hope that instead of going home he ended up in that kidnappy world where people cuddle all the time, he would love that one.
but he knows kurt could have other agendas and really, the thought of bringing sascha into his earth is also a dangerous one. if he's controlled again they could be responsible for wiping out the entire planet, they're only going to live so long to take care of him. but he's never been one for judging people for their potential for harm - he's been judged for that his entire life and he hated every second of it, it turned him into a man who, for the longest time, has been terrified of his own shadow. ]
Usually I'd agree with you, but unfortunately that bastard is one of the most brilliant men I've ever met. Utterly without conscience or empathy, but brilliant. [They'd worked together well when forced to by circumstance, which Kurt hopes disturbed that grey bastard as much as it does him. Although, given the closeness he'd noticed in that mirror world of their McCoy and Wagner, he wonders..
And then Winn pulls him out of his brief reverie. Kurt inclines his head, scoffing softly.] Everyone else I've known who have left went back to worlds that were, if not better, then no worse than here. Sascha--Nein. Even if our only option is bringing him back here, I refuse to leave him alone in that world.
He may be lab smart, but he's a total moron everywhere that matters.
[ winn cannot accept someone who would do that as 'brilliant'. brilliance is a force for good. evil geniuses are wasting their genius and therefore - are idiots.
kurt gets a small, sad smile at that. and a little nod. ]
I keep thinking about that world I heard about - where everyone cuddles. It'd be heaven for him.
[Kurt stares at Winn for a silent moment, a smile teasing the corners of his mouth.] You're reminding me of why Katzchen likes you.
[Apparently Kurt hasn't heard about that world, or forgotten if he has, because he blinks featureless eyes at Winn before huffing out a laugh.] For him? Hell, if I find Sascha in a place like that I might relocate.
[ that right there is high praise from kurt, and it means the world coming from him, too, because he knows how important he is to kitty - and how important she is to him. kurt's stamp of approval is one winn desperately craves.
he's touched, and it shows. he responds to it wordlessly, with a smile.
and then the moment's passed and they're back to a different point. ]
Didn't know you were that much of a hugger. [ he'd want kurt to be happy and he knows kitty would too, but he also knows she would hate to lose him and he would hate to see her lose him but he can't give up on home for a kidnappy cuddle world. home needs him too. when they find their way out - one way or another - there will be a world of pain. ]
[The funny part is that Winn's had it for a while now; with reservations of course, because this is Kurt Darkholme. But everything he's seen of Winn says the man is trying, and he makes Kitty smile.]
Don't have much opportunity to be, surrounded by Americans all these years. [Kurt punctuates with a quick smile that fades as that train of thought leads him back the reason he'd contacted Winn to offer his assistance.] Some days--and don't you dare tell Kitty this--too much trouble to get out of bed for long. Sascha was one of the only people I knew wouldn't think anything untoward if I wanted company. [Kurt's tone is soft and mournful, but his body language tightens in subtle ways. The world Winn comes from is a better one, Winn is a kind man, but old fears die hard.] And Wrath, of course, but I feel guilty asking her to stay still now that her back's mended.
[ he rests a hand on kurt's; the gesture feels odd, they don't do a whole lot of this, but he pushes through. ]
Kara and I are American and we're hugging machines. [ yeah, it's an offer. he knows this feeling, this depression. if he didn't have kitty in his life he probably wouldn't be doing so well himself, even now he has alcohol within reach of his bed. ] I think Wrath would be happy for the chance to do something for you, sometimes the best thing you can do for a person is let them help you. And, hey, if you ever need a friends night with Kitty - I can set up an all nighter gaming session with Cisco or something.
[ kitty hates sleeping alone -> she'll come to kurt without either of them having to tell her anything about it. of course, his hope is that she'll then proceed to figure it out on her own because she deserves a chance to be there for her friend, but for now he'll suggest the subtle way. this is the first time kurt's confided in him, he doesn't want to push it. ]
[Kurt smiles faintly, turning his hand so he can squeeze Winn's briefly, the silverish wedding ring warmed by his skin.]
Thank you [Is what he whispers in his native tongue italics because the mun is too tired to brain German, switching to English in the next.] You don't need to do all that for me. I've been worse and come out the other side. Hell, you should have seen me after my wife died. [He honestly thinks this is a comfort for Winn to know.
His major concern is causing problems between Winn and Kitty. Darkholmes are notorious for very specific things in their world, some of which involve other people's lovers. He's not used to being trusted, even in a situation like this where the most he wants from Kitty is to let her be the one to support and comfort him.]
[ he has no idea what kurt just said but he's going to guess it's something good. hope! hope, it's something good. he squeezes back. ]
Just because you can survive worse, doesn't mean you should. You're not alone here, Wrath, Kitty and I - we got your back. [ winn knows a thing or two or a thousand about not wanting to be a bother, let him tell you sometime about the time his homicidal father broke out of jail and his superhero friend had to butt in and practically beg him to let her help. ] You can do more than just survive now, you deserve to be happy, just like she does. She wants you to be, more than anything. And please - this? Ain't all that. It's literally the first thing that popped into my head, give me a little while to think, I'll come up with something worthy of the name 'all that'. [ he offers a shitty little smile. ] And do it whether I need to or not. [ kurt's kitty's family, and while they never really got too close - winn considers him a friend too. that means he'll do anything he can to make him happy. ]
[Kurt smiles, thin, tired, and sad enough that it should not by rights be classified as a smile.] The last time I was truly, blissfully happy, a good woman died a horrible death. [He closes his eyes against the stinging in his nose and the memory of coming home to find what Dukes had left of his wife.
After a moment, Kurt shakes his head.] The bastard I am now is what I need to be to protect all of you. This peace won't last; our captors will get bored of a hands-off approach eventually. [And he anticipates being called on to do horrible things when they do. It's what he's good at, and the dark part of him that flourished during his relationship with Damask is proud of that.] I'll give you as much joy as I can, mother hen.
One of the first rules of scientific research, Kurt - correlation doesn't equal causality. I don't know what happened, but I know being happy doesn't cause death, unless you're a psychopath who's only happy when he's killing people. Which you're not. Trust me, I know one.
[ okay that's a little harsh but his father sucks so hell yeah he'll demonize him for the sake of making a point. ]
That's crap man, and it's beneath you. [ he says it with all the love in the world. ] We don't know what's going to happen but we can't live our lives on speculations. If something happens - we'll deal with it, all of us, as a team, because that's how we win. We're stronger together, martyrs are so last season.
[ and maybe that's naive, but do you know why he gets to be naive? because they always win. he doesn't intend to start losing now. ] You wanna see a real mother hen, keep this up and I'll sic Jim at you.
[ a lot of what he's telling kurt now is paraphrasing jim and kara. ]
[The words are soft and the smile that follows them is not; sharp and glinting and self-assured, because using words for weapons is Kurt's comfort zone.] I hunted down the man who killed my wife. I teleported a shark into his gut and stood over him while it tore his innards to shreds.
His death rattle was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, and by God I don't regret an instant of it. [The regret comes from what he did to achieve that end, literally stabbing Wolverine in the back and abandoning X-Force. He'd intended to rejoin them, never intended for Logan to be forced to kill his own son, but.] He wasn't the first death I enjoyed, and he won't be the last. I learned long ago that if I wanted to keep my sanity, I had to find a way to take joy in the blood we spilled.
So, knowing that about me, look me in the eye and tell me you still believe everything you just said.
[ god, that's horrific. and it's hard, hard to keep his composure through it, impossible not to be afraid. but at the same time, he knows this move. the say whatever you have to to be left alone and be proven right so you can go back to wallow in peace, a classic. and everything he's heard about kitty and kurt's world - it tells him he has no right to judge. it's not "just" losing the person you love, it's losing everything, over and over again, every day. no one could live by his standards in a world like that, not even him, who knows what he would've become if he lived there. heck, even on his relatively safe earth it's not always avoidable. ]
You said it yourself - you had to keep your sanity somehow. Circumstances shape us. Circumstances have changed. You don't have to do that anymore.
[The cruelty in Kurt's grin fades into sadness, the sharpness dulled by regret for lashing out and a renewed pang of missing Sascha. For all his kind heart, they were both monsters in a way he hopes Winn never has to be.]
But I do. Only the dead have seen the end of war, and to win it you will need someone to do horrible things in the dark. And I am good at those things; just like my mother.
[Pressing his lips together, Kurt drops his line of sight to his own tail, twitching restlessly over the corner of his bed.] I promised you I would be as happy as I can. But the safety of my crew and our fellow captives will always come first.
It's not one or the other. There are a lot of different ways to win a war and anyway - I think this one's gonna be a battle of wits - they've got all the physical cards, with these stupid augments. We need to outsmart them to win, not outcruel them. You don't have to be...like anyone.
[ it's winn's turn to look conflicted. ]
I know what it's like, to feel like your family's darkest moments follow you around everywhere, taunting you, making you believe you're going to be a part of it one way or another...but you do have a choice now. We all have a choice. We're gonna win this as ourselves.
[Kurt lowers his head, line of sight firmly on his own hands, dangling between his knees. To some extent he can identify and be comforted by Winn's reassurances; both the people he considered his parents have done monstrous things. His mother fleeced refugees of all their worldly belongings in exchange for safety. Victor joined Apocalypse, only leaving because he didn't feel using nuclear weapons against the humans was fair. And then there's Azazel, who he knew as Weapon Omega's minister of death and nothing else until coming here.
But Victor did leave, bringing with him a young woman who'd been nearly broken by Sugarman and McCoy, and stood with the X-Men until the very end. As for his mother? Kurt could speak all night about her contributions to the war and be listing them well into morning.]
I think, when I'm not so upset over the losses, I should speak with you again about my mother. I've given you a horrible impression of her, and the best comparison I can think of still would. Women like her in movies were always the downfall of men, never the heroes. Which says something about the men writing those scripts, I think.
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Ja. I've also been able to teleport between dimensions through an already-opened tear between them, and seal it shut after. [And die in the process.]
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And it's always through the same dimension?
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In the world I came from, one of my team-mates was another teleporter who had been experimented on by one of Apocalypse's men. She'd begun unable to teleport anything without risking it coming through in pieces, but by the time she came to us Clarice was teleporting us to the moon and back. [Kurt shrugs.] So. Same dimension every time, but nothing saying it has to stay that way.
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So what're you thinking?
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[He pauses, and then:] The biggest limitation I have is that if I don't know where I'm going, I could teleport into something solid. If Kitty were to come with me, that negates one issue. Another is distance, but that's largely tied to a planet's magnetic field. Doesn't seem to apply so much when I'm going through a dimensional tear. It's rough, but I was able to do it multiple times in a half hour and I was still on my feet with enough energy to argue with Wolverine.
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[ he listens intently. ]
So if we find a way to open an interdimensional breach - you could get Kitty through safely? [ they still have to open the breach and he's nowhere near achieving that (thanks, augment!) but it's progress. his biggest fear here is that kitty get sent home to her death. ]
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If it was to a world other than our own, ja. You have to understand, Winn; even if I brought her to a point after her death, our world is being devoured. I sealed our dimension off to trap an army of monstrous creatures which exist for no other purpose.
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[ and now you get a concerned look - that's totally the desired result, right?
okay but he can't not respond to that, much as he wants to pursue his first point. he shakes his head even while kurt is still speaking. ]
She's not going back there, no way. I'm taking her back to National City, and - you too, unless there's somewhere else you'd rather go.
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[And honestly, Kurt will agree with him on that; he's not a genius, though he is clever. Other versions of him are, such as the teenage version who managed to amplify his powers to slice through the barriers between realities--and weaken them to breaking in the process.]
I have someone I want to pick up first before I settle in any reality.
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[ he's the idiot, not seeing the value in the world he had, in the people living in it. ]
Sascha? [ it's a guess, based on his own feelings. he's been haunted since he disappeared, just hoping against hope that instead of going home he ended up in that kidnappy world where people cuddle all the time, he would love that one.
but he knows kurt could have other agendas and really, the thought of bringing sascha into his earth is also a dangerous one. if he's controlled again they could be responsible for wiping out the entire planet, they're only going to live so long to take care of him. but he's never been one for judging people for their potential for harm - he's been judged for that his entire life and he hated every second of it, it turned him into a man who, for the longest time, has been terrified of his own shadow. ]
[action]
And then Winn pulls him out of his brief reverie. Kurt inclines his head, scoffing softly.] Everyone else I've known who have left went back to worlds that were, if not better, then no worse than here. Sascha--Nein. Even if our only option is bringing him back here, I refuse to leave him alone in that world.
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[ winn cannot accept someone who would do that as 'brilliant'. brilliance is a force for good. evil geniuses are wasting their genius and therefore - are idiots.
kurt gets a small, sad smile at that. and a little nod. ]
I keep thinking about that world I heard about - where everyone cuddles. It'd be heaven for him.
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[Apparently Kurt hasn't heard about that world, or forgotten if he has, because he blinks featureless eyes at Winn before huffing out a laugh.] For him? Hell, if I find Sascha in a place like that I might relocate.
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he's touched, and it shows. he responds to it wordlessly, with a smile.
and then the moment's passed and they're back to a different point. ]
Didn't know you were that much of a hugger. [ he'd want kurt to be happy and he knows kitty would too, but he also knows she would hate to lose him and he would hate to see her lose him but he can't give up on home for a kidnappy cuddle world. home needs him too. when they find their way out - one way or another - there will be a world of pain. ]
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Don't have much opportunity to be, surrounded by Americans all these years. [Kurt punctuates with a quick smile that fades as that train of thought leads him back the reason he'd contacted Winn to offer his assistance.] Some days--and don't you dare tell Kitty this--too much trouble to get out of bed for long. Sascha was one of the only people I knew wouldn't think anything untoward if I wanted company. [Kurt's tone is soft and mournful, but his body language tightens in subtle ways. The world Winn comes from is a better one, Winn is a kind man, but old fears die hard.] And Wrath, of course, but I feel guilty asking her to stay still now that her back's mended.
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[ he rests a hand on kurt's; the gesture feels odd, they don't do a whole lot of this, but he pushes through. ]
Kara and I are American and we're hugging machines. [ yeah, it's an offer. he knows this feeling, this depression. if he didn't have kitty in his life he probably wouldn't be doing so well himself, even now he has alcohol within reach of his bed. ] I think Wrath would be happy for the chance to do something for you, sometimes the best thing you can do for a person is let them help you. And, hey, if you ever need a friends night with Kitty - I can set up an all nighter gaming session with Cisco or something.
[ kitty hates sleeping alone -> she'll come to kurt without either of them having to tell her anything about it. of course, his hope is that she'll then proceed to figure it out on her own because she deserves a chance to be there for her friend, but for now he'll suggest the subtle way. this is the first time kurt's confided in him, he doesn't want to push it. ]
Re: [action]
Thank you [Is what he whispers in his native tongue
italics because the mun is too tired to brain German, switching to English in the next.] You don't need to do all that for me. I've been worse and come out the other side. Hell, you should have seen me after my wife died. [He honestly thinks this is a comfort for Winn to know.His major concern is causing problems between Winn and Kitty. Darkholmes are notorious for very specific things in their world, some of which involve other people's lovers. He's not used to being trusted, even in a situation like this where the most he wants from Kitty is to let her be the one to support and comfort him.]
[action]
Just because you can survive worse, doesn't mean you should. You're not alone here, Wrath, Kitty and I - we got your back. [ winn knows a thing or two or a thousand about not wanting to be a bother, let him tell you sometime about the time his homicidal father broke out of jail and his superhero friend had to butt in and practically beg him to let her help. ] You can do more than just survive now, you deserve to be happy, just like she does. She wants you to be, more than anything. And please - this? Ain't all that. It's literally the first thing that popped into my head, give me a little while to think, I'll come up with something worthy of the name 'all that'. [ he offers a shitty little smile. ] And do it whether I need to or not. [ kurt's kitty's family, and while they never really got too close - winn considers him a friend too. that means he'll do anything he can to make him happy. ]
Re: [action]
After a moment, Kurt shakes his head.] The bastard I am now is what I need to be to protect all of you. This peace won't last; our captors will get bored of a hands-off approach eventually. [And he anticipates being called on to do horrible things when they do. It's what he's good at, and the dark part of him that flourished during his relationship with Damask is proud of that.] I'll give you as much joy as I can, mother hen.
[action]
One of the first rules of scientific research, Kurt - correlation doesn't equal causality. I don't know what happened, but I know being happy doesn't cause death, unless you're a psychopath who's only happy when he's killing people. Which you're not. Trust me, I know one.
[ okay that's a little harsh but his father sucks so hell yeah he'll demonize him for the sake of making a point. ]
That's crap man, and it's beneath you. [ he says it with all the love in the world. ] We don't know what's going to happen but we can't live our lives on speculations. If something happens - we'll deal with it, all of us, as a team, because that's how we win. We're stronger together, martyrs are so last season.
[ and maybe that's naive, but do you know why he gets to be naive? because they always win. he doesn't intend to start losing now. ] You wanna see a real mother hen, keep this up and I'll sic Jim at you.
[ a lot of what he's telling kurt now is paraphrasing jim and kara. ]
You're just as important as any of us, Kurt.
[action]
[The words are soft and the smile that follows them is not; sharp and glinting and self-assured, because using words for weapons is Kurt's comfort zone.] I hunted down the man who killed my wife. I teleported a shark into his gut and stood over him while it tore his innards to shreds.
His death rattle was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, and by God I don't regret an instant of it. [The regret comes from what he did to achieve that end, literally stabbing Wolverine in the back and abandoning X-Force. He'd intended to rejoin them, never intended for Logan to be forced to kill his own son, but.] He wasn't the first death I enjoyed, and he won't be the last. I learned long ago that if I wanted to keep my sanity, I had to find a way to take joy in the blood we spilled.
So, knowing that about me, look me in the eye and tell me you still believe everything you just said.
[action]
You said it yourself - you had to keep your sanity somehow. Circumstances shape us. Circumstances have changed. You don't have to do that anymore.
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But I do. Only the dead have seen the end of war, and to win it you will need someone to do horrible things in the dark. And I am good at those things; just like my mother.
[Pressing his lips together, Kurt drops his line of sight to his own tail, twitching restlessly over the corner of his bed.] I promised you I would be as happy as I can. But the safety of my crew and our fellow captives will always come first.
[action]
It's not one or the other. There are a lot of different ways to win a war and anyway - I think this one's gonna be a battle of wits - they've got all the physical cards, with these stupid augments. We need to outsmart them to win, not outcruel them. You don't have to be...like anyone.
[ it's winn's turn to look conflicted. ]
I know what it's like, to feel like your family's darkest moments follow you around everywhere, taunting you, making you believe you're going to be a part of it one way or another...but you do have a choice now. We all have a choice. We're gonna win this as ourselves.
Re: [action]
But Victor did leave, bringing with him a young woman who'd been nearly broken by Sugarman and McCoy, and stood with the X-Men until the very end. As for his mother? Kurt could speak all night about her contributions to the war and be listing them well into morning.]
I think, when I'm not so upset over the losses, I should speak with you again about my mother. I've given you a horrible impression of her, and the best comparison I can think of still would. Women like her in movies were always the downfall of men, never the heroes. Which says something about the men writing those scripts, I think.
[action]